dalekpatronus: (SE - Hnnnnn...)
Called my mom earlier to tell her that I wasn't coming down until tomorrow, that way I could see my nephews too.  She and I had a decent conversation about the election results, though the first half of the call she sounded grumpy as all hell.  I think at first she thought I was going to rub it in her face that McCain lost, but that really wouldn't have been the thing to do. Whether or not I voted for him, he fought the good fight and it's not really right to disrespect someone because of who they chose as their candidate. 

After that I rolled over and went back to sleep for a while, though I can't say that I slept very well. Weird dreams again and then waking up off and on to ponder over things, as if I'm going to come to some sort of conclusion regarding everything.  I finally made myself get up to do some of my laundry and eat something for lunch, but even now I find myself contemplating sleep again.  Perhaps after this movie is done...

At least I won't actually have to clean off my bed, that will be a welcome change.

dalekpatronus: (Bleach - Say huh...?)
This morning before work a song came on my playlist and it hit so ridiculously close to my current mood/state of mind that I've felt off all day.  That and the fact that Sailor woke me up almost two hours before my alarm was set to go off. ..

Work was retardedly busy, though I can't really say I was all that surprised.  People were total douchebags but I expected that too.  I guess I just felt it more because of the mood~.  That awful empty feeling mixed with terrible aggression and fury.  PFAH. Nothing new, it's just all the old stuff that I thought I was over a long time ago.  Oh, I couldn't have been more wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I got off work almost and hour and a half late because we were so busy. One of the managers was actually so flustered by all the people in the store that she forgot I wasn't supposed to close tonight. I didn't think I would ever hope for Halloween to be over so soon.  I meant to see if we had fishnets that I could buy, but in the end it'll probably be better if I wear solid tights. Just in case it's cold on Friday night. It's not like the dress I plan on wearing completely covers everything. D| 

I think I had a lot more I wanted to say, but I want to take a nap, I think. SO NAP I SHALL. /o/
dalekpatronus: (Bleach - Star Gazing)
Interesting how some of the simplest things can set a person off, but really I don't find myself surprised in the least bit.  Just one wrong thing written or said, etc...  Not really aimed at anything in particular, just a passing thought.

The mood was off again tonight, but I managed to counter it for the most part. GREAT SUCCESS. Or something like that.  Now if only this pesky cough would go away. I wouldn't mind so much if I were actually coughing stuff up, but it's just that annoying little tickle that makes laughing something of a chore. That and trying to sleep. 

There's plans to go down to my mom's again today. I vaguely remember her telling me there was something that she wanted done but I wasn't really listening when she called me.  Maybe that's because she called me 6 times throughout the day and never really seemed to have anything terribly important to say. |3~

dalekpatronus: (Bleach - Playtime. :|)
Today was a better day. I suppose. Something like that.

I'm still feeling ridiculously apathetic, but in the end I can't really say that I'm surprised. It's been like that for a while and it's not like that goes away easily for me~. Oh well, oh well~. I'll be fine if I can keep everything from cluttering up my head so badly...

I had some icons that I wanted to finish up tonight, but it didn't happen. This was me trying to keep myself focused after a long period of feeling completely anti-social. I just kinda laid there for a long time and stared at the ceiling, just thinking over things. Stuff and things, not really anything in particular. |3

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go down to my mom's and then Saturday is another day of work. At least it'll be a bit more of a lazy day, though I can't help but feel like I'm the one who's going to end up doing most of the work. But at least I'll be able to just chill on messenger most of the day again with my brother being off and everything.

After work I really need to get on filling out some other applications. Maybe I'll check at the mall and just look around generally. Who knows what I could find, I just know I need to find something better than just being 'on call' for the pawn shop.

This entry turned out to be much longer than I meant for it to be.

TL;DR. I don't care. I need a job.
dalekpatronus: (AKIO - Zuuuuuu~)
Well, my old desk chair was still out in the backyard at my mom's and all it needed was to have new fabric put over the top of the cushion.  I got it done and now my hands are killing me. :| Go figure, something to fix the issues with my back and I had to screw up my hands to make it work.

My parents and I went to dinner earlier which was good for the most part. Aside from my dad making some pretty nasty comments about everything that's going on with Mac. My mom offered to let Becky use the truck for when they need to clear out Mac's apartment and he asked when she would need it, Wednesday or Thursday. My mom and I just kind of stared at him before we both told him that they were probably going to wait until she had actually passed on. He was really quiet for a moment and then said this:

"She's not going to make it any way, why not just get it over with?"

I swear I almost hit him in the face, instead I went into the bathroom to take a moment or two. It was just ridiculous. I mean, I know that I can come off as being pretty callous sometimes, but even I'm better than that.

While we were at the hospital earlier my mom started crying and laughing after someone sang 'Jesus Loves Me'. I wasn't exactly sure why until she told a story to everyone that she hadn't even told me before. Apparently a week or so before my grandma died she was singing it in her sleep. Now the thing about  my grandma is that she used to talk in her sleep all the time and if you asked her questions she would answer. So my mom asked her what she was doing and she responds. She told my mom that she was trying to teach me the gospel. Yes, up until the very end my grandma thought I was a heathen. :3 I found it rather amusing and it was kind of neat to hear a story like that. I'm quite sure that wherever she is right now she's still shaking her head in that disapproving way. I'm still a heathen and I still wear black most of the time~.

I think that's really all that I needed to get out, now it's time to go and rest my hands. That way I can actually use them tomorrow. That and I'll never hear the end of it if I don't~. ❤
dalekpatronus: (AKIO - Zuuuuuu~)

Interesting dreams that I had all night, thought I suppose I can't really say that they were unpleasant. Not really in the least bit, just a little unsettling because I'm not really accustomed to such things. Maybe it's a sign? All I know is that it's nice to have some semblance of hope again.

It's just as I thought, but in the end things are probably better this way.  I hate it when other people are right, it means that I have to admit to doing something wrong.  Or at least doing things improperly, up until this point everything that was being done was just the standard for me...

I guess we'll see how it all pans out.
dalekpatronus: (Reborn - Comfort)
Clarity is a wonderful thing.

Sometimes it comes so easily to you and others it's just far too elusive. When it hits though, it's usually such a bittersweet feeling. It's been coming in little spurts, sometimes just a bit more painful than I would like. But is there really any sort of growth that doesn't come with even a miniscule amount of pain?

There are things that I've been holding onto for so long, things that I wonder how I ever had any hope for in the first place. Years that I've spent with the same thoughts bouncing around in my head despite all the fighting that I've done to try and suppress them.

This has been months in the making and will probably take a lot more time still...

But I think it's time to let go.

I think there's something else that I should probably address, but I'm still in that stage. The delicious stage of denial that manages to overshadow how nice the clarity could be. Everything always seems to move in such a vicious cycle, you almost wonder if it's really worth it to try or even hope...

If there wasn't a bit of conflict now and then, things would be terribly boring, wouldn't they?

It takes some good to make it hurt, it takes some bad for satisfaction~.
dalekpatronus: (Loveless - Nisei ♥)




Blarf. I was up and down all night for absolutely no reason. I hate it when that happens. :| Just now I even woke up a minute before my alarm did, like I already knew it was coming but then just stared at the phone like it had started leaking green ooze.

I think with that I'm going back to bed so that I can try again. Let's hope I don't end up sleeping all day and miss going to the post office again. I really need to get that package out and those postcards that I said I would send two weeks ago. I always fail at those sorts of things. I still have to go to the auto store to see if I can find that 303 spray for the top of my car and possibly a patch to fix up that little tear. Over use of the top being down. orz. It probably never would have ripped if I'd left the top up.

I think I slept on my arm wrong too. It hurts now and I'm done writing. /o/

Okay. That was a lie. I've been out since I stopped writing. |DD Finally made it to the post office to mail a package that's been sitting in my room for a week. Got to the auto store for the stuff too~. And I made my mom pay for it. >:D Then I stopped by the gas station because I thought I was going to die if I didn't get nachos. While I was there I ran into someone that I used to work with and we chatted for a bit. It's great that I have a car that someone can see from the street and say to themselves 'Hey! I bet Sonia's in that building!' |DDDD

And now I want to eat my nachos. :| The end.



dalekpatronus: (Default)
June 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 2012


Page generated Sep. 21st, 2017 07:34 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios