dalekpatronus: (HIMYM ✪ THUG)
So I'm getting really tired of all these ragefits.

Suffice it to say I'm sick of the fucking mom logic and even more sick of the ever-present drama with Shawn and Stan.

Wish I gave a rat's ass about all that. bnr.

It wouldn't be so bad if in mom logic land I wasn't the bad guy no matter what I do. The Shawn and Stan bs wouldn't be as awful if my gd mom could talk about something other than that sometimes. It's like everything out of her mouth is either about that or about how someone fucked up somehow. All of a sudden we can't have silence while watching a show, there has to be random commentary about OH DID I TELL YOU WHAT SHAWN/STAN/YOUR DAD/YOU FUCKED UP TODAY?

At least work went by easily enough, save for the upset at lunch over the retarded mom logic vs date shit.

There's some other shit I'm pretty miffed about, but in the end I guess it doesn't matter. I really shouldn't have been surprised about the way things would turn out, despite my efforts.

I'm still coming down from the anger, by the time we get back into the room I'm probably going to be exhausted and clingy. But at least I won't feel like punching things anymore. I hope. I'll just be cuddly or something. IDEK.

[livejournal.com profile] heartaddiction, I love you. Thank you for putting up with all my rages and shitfits. You're so patient with me. ❤

dalekpatronus: (WHO ✪ TARDIS)
Sudden headache because of one fucking thing said, it's really fantastic. It probably wasn't even meant in a malicious way, but still the presentation was pretty messed up. I really do want to o back to school and finish, but unless I go somewhere else (where the cost of living is way too high) what I was going for just isn't going to work out here. But when I come up with an alternative that I know I can finish, that I know I'm passionate about, it's treated like I've decided on something that sounds completely ludicrous. It's not like I said I wanted to get a degree in being an astronaut-cowboy-demon hunter, so why treat it that way? Why completely downplay something important to me and make me feel like crap for even entertaining the idea. Again, probably not done on purpose, but it still hurts like hell when people are selectively supportive.

I need to stop thinking on it, my head is starting to hurt way too much.

I've been trying to come up with a new theme for my journal, but creativity is running low or something. I can't even decide on a series/image for the header even though I have a song in mind.

Sign ups went up for the holiday party at work, including sign ups for a dessert competition and another talent show. It really would be nice if other people would sign up for the show this year, make it a little more fun. I did sign up already, even if no one else has, I just need to decide on something. I'd rather choose now than waffle toward the end like I did last year.

I have other things to look forward too, though, at least it seems that way. Something that could make me the happiest I've ever been has the potential to be right around the corner. So I really should just do my best to keep my spirits up and not let the little things get to me. ❤

dalekpatronus: (COCKER ✪ trapped)
I feel an overwhelming need to get out of this place, I just feel so...stifled right now.

baaaaawwwww hurt feelings, health concerns, blah blah blah, skip if you want )

Blah blah blah, stuff and things suck and bawwwwww.

I have good things to look forward to in just a couple weeks, I just have to remember not to let things get me too down.

dalekpatronus: (BONES ✪ bathtub)
I'm beginning to wonder if I should make a trip to the doctor to have a few things checked out.

My equilibrium has been off for over a month now and I find myself losing my balance and nearly falling over or crashing into things. It's not that I feel weird or anything, it's just a little disconcerting more than anything.

Finally gave in and decided to try some alternative forms of medicine for monthly punishment. It's been a long time since I've done homeopathic, but so far it seems to be helping a bit and even just a little relief is nice. At the very least I can be happy that it's not going to be carrying on while I'm on my trip.

I need to remind again at work that I'm going to be out, I think even though I sent a reminder last week the dummy that does the scheduling has already forgotten that I requested time off.

Also found out that I don't owe nearly as much as I thought I did on the card, at least not right away. Which makes me wonder if my mom wasn't completely honest with me and I was paying for some of her stuff the last time too. Which is fine with as much as I don't have to pay for around here, but it still makes me wonder. :|

On a completely different note, I'd like to be able to ask a simple question without getting my head taken off. Yes, I agreed to go out and help my mom with more bullshit at my aunt's piece of shit house, all I wanted to know was whether we were going to be there all day or not. I never said I didn't want to go, I never complained, so I'm really not sure why I got the death glare and the irritated click of her tongue. I really shouldn't be surprised that it was taken in the way that it was, but just once today I would like for something positive to come out of her mouth that doesn't have to do with her haircut or the cat that she wanted.

BUT THANK GOD IT'S OCTOBER. FINALLY. *^* I'm going to do my best not to let anything keep me down!

Also I want a beer helmet. :|

dalekpatronus: (ZOIDBERG ✪ RAAAAAWR)
I was really looking forward to the weekend. Work was shit this week and my mom knew that I had a meltdown in front of people yesterday.

Sure I got to sleep in today.

But now she's going fucking insane. She won't listen to me when I explain what happened with the credit card charges and acts like I was saying that I wasn't going to pay for any of it. She wants to start doing EXTREME cleaning RIGHT NOW because I'll have a guest here in...three weeks? What the fuck, mom? Three weeks is plenty of time to get everything done, do we really have to shine and oil the goddamn kitchen cupboards? Do I really need to clean my carpet today? All that's going to happen is that it's going to get dirty before the sixth and there will be another mad rush to clean it AGAIN.

Fuck man, I really needed today just to chill, but I guess that's just too much to ask.

ETA

Whoops. Totally forgot that when she's in moods like this I have to pretend like I don't have feelings. Let me load up my robot program. :| 

ETA PART TWO!


I'm making cheese fries. All is right with the world again.
dalekpatronus: (MALEFICENT ✪ Pissed off)
It could just be because I'm sick, but I get really tired of my mom doing and doing for people that she doesn't even like. She claims all this is 'for the kids' but she doesn't realize just how much of it benefits her good for nothing sister.  In the end, I'm worried that even with as much as she cares for them all (minus my aunt) that they're going to start taking advantage.

I already feel that they are, but somehow when I try to express that it turns into how I don't help enough and how if she were in the same position that she could only hope that someone would be doing all the same little things to help her out. I pointed out to her that there would be more than enough people around to help because she's a better person and not total trash like some of the people she helps, but even that didn't seem to reach her.

Oh well, it's a losing battle. Sometimes I really wish that I could learn to keep my mouth shut, things would end up being so much more peaceful. :|

On the lighter side I woke up with a mighty jewfro. I brushed it and it turned into cool 80s guy hair. I laughed quite a bit and then I realized the laughing was hurting my head too much so I stopped. :|
dalekpatronus: (HORRIBLE ✪ BALLS)
There is something I must absolutely do today and I almost wish I hadn't decided to do it. I'm not sure if I'm nauseas because of the anticipation or because of the headache that never went away. Now if I could just make it through the day without more stabbing pain in my side or throwing up that would be fabulous. +_+

eta

Yeah, so that super important thing I decided couldn't wait is probably going to have to. Every time I open my mouth to speak up about it, my head gets taken off for one thing or another.  I handled half of what needed to be discussed and since then it's been nothing but what I'm doing wrong with this and that. :| 

Still, it's something that needs to be done, hopefully it'll end up being a weight off my chest rather than being more of a burden. My stomach is still churning, so I guess we'll see how the rest of the night goes.
dalekpatronus: (TOKYOBABYLON ✪ ❤)
I just kicked a gigantic beach ball into a kid's face and knocked him over in a very comical fashion.

I feel so accomplished.


eta

Of course, it couldn't have been an awesome day all the way through. I like how my head gets taken off for reminding my mom of something that I told her AGES ago. It's almost worrisome how neither one of my parents can remember things that they should.

I can't help but feel that if my dad had stayed in bed mom wouldn't have gotten fussy over a simple correction. So much for having a decent conversation about things that are actually important to me, no wonder I've been avoidant of certain topics. Oh well, I guess I really shouldn't be surprised.

I'll just get back to laughing to myself over how silly that kid looked falling backward into the swimming pool. :3
dalekpatronus: (MULDER ✪ Say huh...?)
The day was mixed, at least the end was nicer than the beginning. +_+

Nancy from Goya, you can choke on a dick and die for all I care. Snotty damn bitch.

In other news, I've been in some killer hip pain the last two days. So bad today that I almost threw up. Probably time to make another appointment with the chiropractor, but I can't be arsed to find the time. It'll work itself out soon enough.

Mom's got all these plans for the weekend already, too bad I'm really not interested in any of it. She's harping on about me having to go to church for communion again, I'm just too fucking tired to fight with her about it. She knows how I feel about it when people get pushy over religion, but then she wants me to 'respect' what she believes in. Not once did I disrespect it or say a bad word over the subject, I would think me going when I don't feel it's beneficial and I can hardly stay away would be MORE respectful than anything. Damned if I do and damned if I don't though, so yeah, really just not going to argue with her. Just suck it up and come home and take a nap when it's all said and done.   :| 

Speaking of naps...it's time for one since I feel like I still want to punch someone in the throat. It's just been one of those weeks. I know things will look better after I wake up.
dalekpatronus: (SAILORMOON ✪FFFFFFF)
Been up a little over an hour and already I've heard about all the things I'm doing wrong. Little things, but it really does get obnoxious.

Now I remember why I choose to sleep most of the time on my days off. I can hope that it gets better at least, the plans for today at least sound fun. We'll see how that pans out though.

I feel like I had a really good dream, but I can't really remember what it was. I woke up feeling really good though, at least there's that to carry me through all of the little jabs about things that I really don't care about. Honestly, it shouldn't matter so much where I hang my sweater, it should only matter that it's not on the floor. :| 

Oh well, oh well~ Make the best of it and just look forward to having some time to myself later. No sense in getting all worked up about something that I really can't change. Now if only my headache would go away I'd be able to focus a little more on the good stuff.

Monday I should have my tax money, that'll be awesome and maybe I could actually start planning for things that I'm really hoping can happen.  There's just the matter of actually having the guts to go through with one or two things, but for now I'll be good just contemplating.

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