dalekpatronus: (TOA ✪ HEARTS :|)
I think I had something to say, but I lost it due to brainpain. Herp derp.

For the most part things are good. Home is always the best place to be for me. I've got family and I'm always so happy to be with the lovely [livejournal.com profile] heartaddiction.

As usual, work is work and drives me crazy most of the time. Cynthia is officially gone and I'm still feeling a little shellshocked or something. I think Sachiko will do okay as a manager, but I'm still having a debate as to whether I even want to be there anymore. I don't feel like I can safely ask for a raise and at this point I'm painfully aware that there's no room for advancement.

I'm trying to get more energy for RP, forcing myself to tag again even when I'm sleepy or just feeling a little meh. It's good though, I'm starting to have fun again and it's nice to feel like it's not the same source of stress that it kind of felt like it was for a while there. Not that I didn't enjoy myself most of the time, but sometimes I did wonder why I kept up with it. But again, it's nice to feel like I can be comfortable in playing and expanding horizons and all that. I need to continue to connect with people anyway, it's good for me.

And now...I don't think that I have anything else to add. Just thoughtful, I guess. Happy to be content save for the work issues.
dalekpatronus: (Bleach - Say huh...?)
Funny the things that pop into your dreams when you're sick.  Though in this case it's more about the fact that people I haven't thought of in years made guest appearances in the most recent one.  I can't really say it was a bad dream or that it was entirely unwelcome, but I woke up thinking too hard.  I do find it a little discouraging that certain things seem to be so easy for my dream self.  I think if I could have held onto a little more aside from people's faces and the general premise of the dream, something would end up being a ton easier on me than it is at the moment.

It's so easy to be wonderfully eloquent when you don't have to worry about nerves or reactions or looking someone in the face.  I keep going over the things that should be said, everything that should be added all at once and trying to gauge responses.  I'm obsessing and overthinking, just like I usually do.  I don't think I would be having an issue if I could come up with the words, but there's a problem with everything that I manage to come up with.

They aren't my words.  I'll catch myself in the middle of a thought, realizing that it's borrowed from a song or some other source.  Not a surprise when I associate nearly everything with a song, but annoying none the less.  I'm beginning to think that going over things in my head isn't enough, I think I'm going to have to break out a piece of paper and start writing it out.

At least I'm feeling a little better today, that's something.  Perhaps there's hope for work tomorrow after all. +_+  I really would like to be able to do my job without having to strain myself just to talk.  Though I suppose if it comes down to it I could always request to stock or something...

Which reminds me that I still need to grab some boxes from work.  I'll be lucky if I remember that when I wake up tomorrow, though.

dalekpatronus: (HIMYM - Yeah sure...)
fjksdjskdjf   BALLS! DX

So fucking tired of being sick. D|

I was really hoping to be better by now but it seems like my body has other plans.  With my luck this is going to carry over until next week.  Just what I wanted, two to three more days of not being able to breathe properly and coughing up a lung.  What's worse is that I only had two things planned for this week and neither one of them got done.  I guess there's always sometime next week, but for one thing i'm going to have to hype myself up again.  Not such a bad thing, I suppose, but a pain nonetheless.

It doesn't help that I've been spending a majority of my time overthinking things, but I guess that isn't really anything new. Sleeping doesn't really help it because then I just have weird dreams.  Plus I can only sleep for so long before I end up laying there uncomfortably and just staring.  I don't feel much like sitting up because all the medication makes me dizzy and blah blah blah.  There are a million things that I could complain about right now, but it all seems rather stupid the more that I think about it.

And now I think I'm hungry but I'm not really all that sure.  The appetite has been coming and going, not all that surprising with how sick I've been.  The more I think on it, burritos sound really awesome but I don't really have the money to go out and get food.  Oh well, maybe when I have more money.  I waited for a month to eat the pizza I wanted, I think I could wait a week to get a burrito. +_+  I'll probably be able to taste it better when I'm well anyway~.
dalekpatronus: (SE - DEFEAT)
skljfskdjdsf

Sleeping soundly and then coughing fit! DX

Today felt terribly long and I wasn't able to focus worth shit.  I'm damn lucky I actually finished the project I was given at work.  I think a majority of it was the fact that I was preoccupied all day, wrestling with the idea of doing something.  In the end I decided it was better to just leave things as they were tonight.  It's something that needs to be handled before I work on Tuesday, which doesn't really give me much time.  I have a feeling that tomorrow night would be best, it's just a matter of motivating myself to put a plan into action.  Even now as I sit here and think about it all I can feel my chest tightening up and I can already tell that I'll be looking for a million reasons not to blahblahblah.

But at the same time I know I don't want another day like today.

It's times like this I realize just how much of a coward I can be.  

Balls. :|
dalekpatronus: (Pan's Labyrinth - Thoughtful)
It seems that as of late I've become just a bit more...spacey.

Repeating myself without meaning to, losing track of time completely.  I was going to try and actually get out tonight, be social again but something came up that prevented it.  All for the best, I think, considering that I feel a little off.  Didn't really want to stay home though so I ended up going for a drive.  It was pleasant, just wandering about and listening to music.  I don't think I've ever really done that without being upset or feeling shitty over something, so it was a welcome change.  It did turn into an example of me losing track of time, though.  I could have sworn that I was only out for about an hour, but when I got home I realized it had been over two hours.  I'm really not sure how that happened, nor do I have the slightest clue how I got almost all the way across town without meaning to go that far.  Not to mention the fact that most of the driving was done on residential streets...

There was something strange that happened too, music matching up with certain things along the way.  I can't help but wonder if I was supposed to get something from all of it, something other than this strange feeling I've got.  Nothing really good, but nothing bad, just strange.  I think I meant to try and go to bed when I got back but I lost the time again.  An hour where I'm not exactly sure where my mind was, but I don't think I'll worry too much about it right now.  Maybe I'll think more on it in the morning or maybe not at all, I guess it really depends on how I'm feeling.  I'm really hoping that none of this is coming from the bug that's been going around, I actually feel healthy for once and I would love for it to stay that way.

I think I'll scan through a few more songs and then sleep, it doesn't feel like that would be too difficult to pull off right now.

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