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dalekpatronus) wrote2006-08-28 01:17 am
dalekpatronus) wrote2006-08-28 01:17 am
Sorry Haters, You've Been Machined.
"Humans are cowards in the face of happiness."
The previous is one of my favourite quotes ever. It rings so true and I can't help but see how perfectly it applies to me. There are certain things that I want answers for, but I don't want to muster up the courage to actually ask the questions. I am a coward, there's nothing else to it. Always talking tough and throwing around advice that I can't even follow myself.
I know it's like that for a lot of people, so by no means am I claiming to be the only person in the world who deals with this sort of shit.
I want to be the sort of person that I present myself as, someone who is tough and can handle anything without the aid of others. I want to be able to make decisions, to be able to ask questions and to get the answers that I search for. I want to be able to communicate with people without turning into the people that annoy me beyond reason. I pride myself on my ability to tell people how it is, but there will always be things that refuse to come out of my mouth. Things that would seem like a weakness or something that could be used against me.
Sometimes it feels like I put too good of a mask on and people forget that I have feelings. I've gone so long pretending that I'm fine and that things don't hurt me, that I almost believe it. It's not healthy. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for standing up for myself, blah blah blah gay gay gay, and so forth...but maybe I really do need to put some of myself out there. Something on display to remind everyone that I still feel, even if I act like I don't. I feel like I should put up some sort of dumb list to get things out, but I think I'll leave it for now. Eventually something will set me off, I'll let some stuff out, and then the whole vicious cycle will start again.
The previous is one of my favourite quotes ever. It rings so true and I can't help but see how perfectly it applies to me. There are certain things that I want answers for, but I don't want to muster up the courage to actually ask the questions. I am a coward, there's nothing else to it. Always talking tough and throwing around advice that I can't even follow myself.
I know it's like that for a lot of people, so by no means am I claiming to be the only person in the world who deals with this sort of shit.
I want to be the sort of person that I present myself as, someone who is tough and can handle anything without the aid of others. I want to be able to make decisions, to be able to ask questions and to get the answers that I search for. I want to be able to communicate with people without turning into the people that annoy me beyond reason. I pride myself on my ability to tell people how it is, but there will always be things that refuse to come out of my mouth. Things that would seem like a weakness or something that could be used against me.
Sometimes it feels like I put too good of a mask on and people forget that I have feelings. I've gone so long pretending that I'm fine and that things don't hurt me, that I almost believe it. It's not healthy. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for standing up for myself, blah blah blah gay gay gay, and so forth...but maybe I really do need to put some of myself out there. Something on display to remind everyone that I still feel, even if I act like I don't. I feel like I should put up some sort of dumb list to get things out, but I think I'll leave it for now. Eventually something will set me off, I'll let some stuff out, and then the whole vicious cycle will start again.
no subject
*runs off* ... *comes back, loves* ... *runs off again*