dalekpatronus: (RYOKI ✪ hoho)
I had stuff to write about, but I'm feeling lazy now.

Work sucks. Probably need a new job at some point but that seems really difficult to achieve and the alternative could always be worse.

Hope everyone ended up having good holidays, Christmas here was awesome and new year's was even better. I'm certain the company helped and I'm really looking forward to what the rest of the year has in store for me. Last year had it's ups and downs, but ultimately I couldn't be happier with the way that things turned out.

School talk is coming up again, I do want to go back but it seems that saving money is just not happening for me right now. Something to think about in the future, at least.

I spent all day being cranky, but I'm feeling immensely better now. Getting the chance to rest and be with the person that means the most to me really did put a smile on my face. ❤

dalekpatronus: (WHO ✪ TARDIS)
Sudden headache because of one fucking thing said, it's really fantastic. It probably wasn't even meant in a malicious way, but still the presentation was pretty messed up. I really do want to o back to school and finish, but unless I go somewhere else (where the cost of living is way too high) what I was going for just isn't going to work out here. But when I come up with an alternative that I know I can finish, that I know I'm passionate about, it's treated like I've decided on something that sounds completely ludicrous. It's not like I said I wanted to get a degree in being an astronaut-cowboy-demon hunter, so why treat it that way? Why completely downplay something important to me and make me feel like crap for even entertaining the idea. Again, probably not done on purpose, but it still hurts like hell when people are selectively supportive.

I need to stop thinking on it, my head is starting to hurt way too much.

I've been trying to come up with a new theme for my journal, but creativity is running low or something. I can't even decide on a series/image for the header even though I have a song in mind.

Sign ups went up for the holiday party at work, including sign ups for a dessert competition and another talent show. It really would be nice if other people would sign up for the show this year, make it a little more fun. I did sign up already, even if no one else has, I just need to decide on something. I'd rather choose now than waffle toward the end like I did last year.

I have other things to look forward too, though, at least it seems that way. Something that could make me the happiest I've ever been has the potential to be right around the corner. So I really should just do my best to keep my spirits up and not let the little things get to me. ❤

dalekpatronus: (VOCALOID ✪ ☆)
Fffff. I hate worrying over work shit.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know what a liar bossu waifu is. I'm definitely doing what I can to avoid confrontation with her again, but I really don't appreciate being told that something happened when it didn't. She does have a way of trying to twist things around and if this crap that came up today comes up again I'm definitely just going to tell her to look at the camera. I can't be held responsible for something that was never even given to me, that's all on her.

I just find myself extremely paranoid over the whole thing, like it's all part of some elaborate plot to oust me out of the store completely. I wouldn't put it past her, but in ultimately I'm pretty sure that she's too stupid to actually put what I have in mind together. So long as it doesn't come up again though, I'm totally fine.

They really did cut some hours out at work but with the way that my payments work out for this and that it shouldn't be anything that I can't handle. It's fine for now anyway, that way I don't end up getting so burned out like I was getting. I think that was where I was heading when I snapped at work that day.

I'm really looking forward to October more and more, it'll be nice to get away again. I honestly did start looking into school again, but I really would have to save up a lot to at least get things set up. All of the schools I've looked at have really high tuition for out of state students, but it seems that the courses I'm interested in are so much more accessible in other places than they are here. :| 

dalekpatronus: (Pan's Labyrinth - Thoughtful)
All things considered today was a rather good day.

I didn't have much to do and I actually had plans to get some work done but I never started any of it.  Instead I slept most of the day and spent a majority of the rest of it just laying in bed and thinking.  Around six my mom called and needed me to fix something with her printer so I went, only to laze about a little more there.

It was nice not feeling like there was a shit ton of stuff to get done, like perhaps things really are beginning to even out for me.  I'm sure it's a little more shortlived than I would like to think, but in the end I'll get back to the point where I feel like there isn't much to worry over.  I did do my fair share of thinking, finally coming to the conclusion that I'm really not all that happy with the things that I'm doing right now.  It keeps coming up with my family, the question of when I'm going back to school, and I'm starting to wonder the same thing myself.  Then something occurred to me, a long overdue epiphany of sorts. 

Maybe the reason I haven't gone back is because I wasn't really doing what I wanted with school and I never had been, aside from the few times that I took courses that were fun.  I seem to recall when I first applied to the university, my first thought was musical theater.  I had always wanted to do that and it might be the ego talking, but I was always damn good at it too.  When I talked to my parents about it I remember getting a response that was slightly negative, though that may just be a manufactured memory.  So I settled on auditioning for shows and taking what theater classes I could.  When I was doing auditions and preparing songs for them, it didn't matter how many times I struck out to me.  What mattered was that I was doing something I loved.  I think I want to go back to that, to feel like I'm doing something that really is important to me.  Not to say that Asian studies isn't important or that I don't like it, but it's too difficult here.  Then again trying to really make something of myself in theater isn't exactly the easiest thing to do where I am.  I tried to bring this up to my mom tonight and I almost started crying while I was thinking about it, so everything I meant to say didn't really come out.  I think maybe I should take a little more time to consider what few options I might have regarding something like this, then maybe I'll try talking it out with someone again.  Maybe I'll even be able to make a decent conversation out of it...

Things like this really seem to be coming up with some frequency these days and I'm not entirely sure why.  I guess it really is time for me to start thinking seriously about this sort of stuff again.  I suppose there really is no better time than the present.  Really, there are so many things I want to think about but I don't really want to overload my brain right now.

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