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dalekpatronus) wrote2010-12-06 11:32 pm
dalekpatronus) wrote2010-12-06 11:32 pm
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Today was kind of a shit day.
I spent most of it at work not even wanting to be there or even really wanting to do much of anything. I slept fine, I don't feel sick, even my song practice in the car was extremely lackluster and disappointing.
Even at lunch I didn't even really feel like eating, even though I could feel that my body was going to rebel if I didn't. I did manage to force down an apple and some rice though, so that's good at least.
I think some of it that has me down is rp, or lack thereof or something like that. Everyone always talks about these awesome games and awesome plans to app places that really do sound awesome but I can't bring myself to try and be included. It's not that I don't want to play, because I do, I just have been questioning my methods lately and finding myself overly concerned about playing up to other people's standards.
Which is stupid, I've always tried to hold onto the thought that they're games and supposed to be fun. I would get frustrated over things but eventually get over it and keep on trucking. Apps used to be a pain, but easy enough to plod through and now I feel like I'm gong to have a nervy b every time I even consider something. I did muddle through one for a game, but I don't really know how long that will last. My focus is lame and I really don't want to be that person that no one really wants to play with, which again just makes me irritated because I've never really felt like that.
So blah, blah, blah baaaawwww.
It'll come back, that spark, I'm sure. I just have to gather enough focus to rope in my former confidence. Stop second guessing my abilities and all that.
Anyway, I have bigger and better things to look forward to, now if the end of the week would just come a little more quickly.
I spent most of it at work not even wanting to be there or even really wanting to do much of anything. I slept fine, I don't feel sick, even my song practice in the car was extremely lackluster and disappointing.
Even at lunch I didn't even really feel like eating, even though I could feel that my body was going to rebel if I didn't. I did manage to force down an apple and some rice though, so that's good at least.
I think some of it that has me down is rp, or lack thereof or something like that. Everyone always talks about these awesome games and awesome plans to app places that really do sound awesome but I can't bring myself to try and be included. It's not that I don't want to play, because I do, I just have been questioning my methods lately and finding myself overly concerned about playing up to other people's standards.
Which is stupid, I've always tried to hold onto the thought that they're games and supposed to be fun. I would get frustrated over things but eventually get over it and keep on trucking. Apps used to be a pain, but easy enough to plod through and now I feel like I'm gong to have a nervy b every time I even consider something. I did muddle through one for a game, but I don't really know how long that will last. My focus is lame and I really don't want to be that person that no one really wants to play with, which again just makes me irritated because I've never really felt like that.
So blah, blah, blah baaaawwww.
It'll come back, that spark, I'm sure. I just have to gather enough focus to rope in my former confidence. Stop second guessing my abilities and all that.
Anyway, I have bigger and better things to look forward to, now if the end of the week would just come a little more quickly.