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I am this close to admitting defeat, but I haven't quite thrown in the towel. Of course it hurts. It hurts like nothing else but maybe I could learn to shut myself off. Shut down all of the emotions and become a monster. Something that destroys. Yes, perhaps that is what I should do. Become something that can hollow you out and leave only a fragile shell...
At least this is what my dreams are telling me when sleep finally comes. Sleep seems to come so rarely anymore and I think it's making me delirious. Around five o'clock yesterday morning I turned over and looked at my wall only to find someones head there. It looked back at me and smiled. After blinking a few times it was gone and once again replaced with the familiar flag that actually hangs there. At this point I really think I should talk to the doctor but I know me. Nothing to worry about here, folks. I've gone through this before, I'm a professional. It's possible it could all end in a week or a year. The last time I went through a 'bout' of insomnia it lasted two years and I'm still here to tell fascinating tales about it.
I do appreciate the people who made my birthday special, be it through comments or showing up at the party. I love you all and thank you so much. Much love to Beth who made the whole thing possible. Now I am off to play games and take my mind away from the thoughts that are still running wild in my head. Perhaps I can vomit out a new song or poem because of them, who knows.
At least this is what my dreams are telling me when sleep finally comes. Sleep seems to come so rarely anymore and I think it's making me delirious. Around five o'clock yesterday morning I turned over and looked at my wall only to find someones head there. It looked back at me and smiled. After blinking a few times it was gone and once again replaced with the familiar flag that actually hangs there. At this point I really think I should talk to the doctor but I know me. Nothing to worry about here, folks. I've gone through this before, I'm a professional. It's possible it could all end in a week or a year. The last time I went through a 'bout' of insomnia it lasted two years and I'm still here to tell fascinating tales about it.
I do appreciate the people who made my birthday special, be it through comments or showing up at the party. I love you all and thank you so much. Much love to Beth who made the whole thing possible. Now I am off to play games and take my mind away from the thoughts that are still running wild in my head. Perhaps I can vomit out a new song or poem because of them, who knows.
