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So I'm getting really tired of all these ragefits.

Suffice it to say I'm sick of the fucking mom logic and even more sick of the ever-present drama with Shawn and Stan.

Wish I gave a rat's ass about all that. bnr.

It wouldn't be so bad if in mom logic land I wasn't the bad guy no matter what I do. The Shawn and Stan bs wouldn't be as awful if my gd mom could talk about something other than that sometimes. It's like everything out of her mouth is either about that or about how someone fucked up somehow. All of a sudden we can't have silence while watching a show, there has to be random commentary about OH DID I TELL YOU WHAT SHAWN/STAN/YOUR DAD/YOU FUCKED UP TODAY?

At least work went by easily enough, save for the upset at lunch over the retarded mom logic vs date shit.

There's some other shit I'm pretty miffed about, but in the end I guess it doesn't matter. I really shouldn't have been surprised about the way things would turn out, despite my efforts.

I'm still coming down from the anger, by the time we get back into the room I'm probably going to be exhausted and clingy. But at least I won't feel like punching things anymore. I hope. I'll just be cuddly or something. IDEK.

heartaddiction, I love you. Thank you for putting up with all my rages and shitfits. You're so patient with me. ❤

I really hate dreams like that, the ones that should make me feel all happy and warm and squishy inside.  Sure that happy feeling is there for those first waking moments, but after lucidity kicks back in it's just a reminder of what I don't have or how impossible it might be to actually get it.

I know I'm being entirely too hopeful this time, but for some reason I can't bring myself to stop. It's funny, the way that there's never a happy medium. I either don't want it or I want it so much it hurts.

There was some thought on actually talking it out, but I'm still too much of a coward about it and it isn't as if that would even be a guarantee....

So as usual, I'll just take what I can get and try to be grateful for it, that's really the best way to handle this in the long run. 

I FEEL SO RIDICULOUSLY SICK RIGHT NOW. DX

I'd like to be reclining in the den, but some little asshole is in my seat and won't get out of it, gdit.

In other news I was amused that when I got in the car the first song that came on my ipod was White Rabbit. It made me think of Sugar Pie and Kaji-chan~. Thus far it's been the highlight of my day. /o/  Though, it did remind me that there are a few things I would like to finish reading. Huhuhu.

Now I'm going to go back out into the den and try to reclaim my seat. Even if it means having to throw up on the little shit to do it.

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.

Not a good day and sadly not a damn bit of it was my fault.  I was an hour late to work because the dumbass that gave me my schedule told me the wrong time.  You'd think that when a reliable worker doesn't show up for work on time that there might be a problem.  Most managers would think to CALL the employee to see if there was a communication breakdown or if something had happened.  At least that was the way it always worked at my other jobs.  Did I get a call? Nope.  Instead I got treated like shit all day and had to deal with passive aggressive jabs that basically told me my manager didn't believe a word that I said.  Since I started working there in October there have only been two days that I didn't show up for work and both times I made sure to call in.  Correction, the second time I was late because my car wouldn't start and when I called to tell my boss I was on the way she just told me not to worry about it and to take the day off.  I even showed up when I felt like shit and should have been in bed.  Fuck you, I don't deserve being treated like an idiot when someone else made the goddamn mistake.

Then there's pressure from a million other things, the move mostly.  I'm still not packed up all the way and I'm not entirely sure that I'm going to get the help I need when I need it.  Half of my room is nothing but boxes right now and the other half is my living space plus a gigantic trash bag that I'm filling up as I go.  I just want everything to be done with so that I don't have to worry over anything any more. Tomorrow I work again, going in early to make up for the time that I lost today.  After that I'm going to pack even more shit up and then sit and stare at all the fucking boxes.  Hopefully Friday I'll be able to get someone to help me move some of them, but I'm not going to hold my breath.  My mom tells me that one of my nephews will be free for something or other, but with my luck it'll be the one that isn't really capable of lifting anything right now.  That's what I need help with, lifting things.

I have more to say, but I don't really care right now.  Fuck everything, I'm just going to bed.  Hopefully the ridiculous amount of rage will have receded by then and I won't feel like I need to stab someone in the throat with a pair of scissors.

sdkljsdklfjdf.

Bad day was bad and long. B|  It's not like everything was terrible, but there were enough little things that went badly to make it a problem.  I guess they were more like annoyances than anything but my mood wasn't all that great anyway.  Though a considerable amount of that came from the fact that I was in pain and rather hungry for most of the day.  At least today wasn't like yesterday where I felt like eating everything in sight. +_+;  It wasn't even eating proper meals, almost like some serious stoner munchies.

I swear if tomorrow doesn't go better someone really is going to end up with my fist in their face.

So I'm thinking I'll take a shower, watch another movie and then try for some sleep.  At least then I'll have a better chance of being in an awesome mood. /o/

And maybe after work tomorrow I'll try to convince my mom that she needs Chinese food as much as she needs air.  I swear today all I wanted was some fried rice and kung pao chicken. DDD|

fjksdjskdjf   BALLS! DX

So fucking tired of being sick. D|

I was really hoping to be better by now but it seems like my body has other plans.  With my luck this is going to carry over until next week.  Just what I wanted, two to three more days of not being able to breathe properly and coughing up a lung.  What's worse is that I only had two things planned for this week and neither one of them got done.  I guess there's always sometime next week, but for one thing i'm going to have to hype myself up again.  Not such a bad thing, I suppose, but a pain nonetheless.

It doesn't help that I've been spending a majority of my time overthinking things, but I guess that isn't really anything new. Sleeping doesn't really help it because then I just have weird dreams.  Plus I can only sleep for so long before I end up laying there uncomfortably and just staring.  I don't feel much like sitting up because all the medication makes me dizzy and blah blah blah.  There are a million things that I could complain about right now, but it all seems rather stupid the more that I think about it.

And now I think I'm hungry but I'm not really all that sure.  The appetite has been coming and going, not all that surprising with how sick I've been.  The more I think on it, burritos sound really awesome but I don't really have the money to go out and get food.  Oh well, maybe when I have more money.  I waited for a month to eat the pizza I wanted, I think I could wait a week to get a burrito. +_+  I'll probably be able to taste it better when I'm well anyway~.

skljfskdjdsf

Sleeping soundly and then coughing fit! DX

Today felt terribly long and I wasn't able to focus worth shit.  I'm damn lucky I actually finished the project I was given at work.  I think a majority of it was the fact that I was preoccupied all day, wrestling with the idea of doing something.  In the end I decided it was better to just leave things as they were tonight.  It's something that needs to be handled before I work on Tuesday, which doesn't really give me much time.  I have a feeling that tomorrow night would be best, it's just a matter of motivating myself to put a plan into action.  Even now as I sit here and think about it all I can feel my chest tightening up and I can already tell that I'll be looking for a million reasons not to blahblahblah.

But at the same time I know I don't want another day like today.

It's times like this I realize just how much of a coward I can be.  

Balls. :|