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Good to know that the cat didn't bust my wireless card when he knocked the spare laptop off the desk that time. I was beginning to wonder if maybe he had since I can't get the wireless to work at home at  all, I'll probably have to invest in a new wireless router in the end.  Not that it's all that important. The only reason I want it to work is so that I could sit in the den with my parents and be on the net at the same time.

I have papers just covered in notes, things that I wanted to talk about or thought were important at the time and now I just don't have the patience to remember it all. There are a few things that really stand out but even now I don't think I feel like making a totally in depth entry. All I really want right now is for them to finish up with my mom's knee so that I can take her home and get a nap in.  They just barely took her back a little while ago, so I've probably got at least another hour of sitting around in this completely uncomfortable chair.

I'm glad to say that I'm feeling a considerable amount better than I was the other day.  The headache finally went away and I was able to calm down some.  Sunday was another crappy day, I think, but it wasn't nearly as bad as Saturday.  I can still feel all of it rolling around in the back of my head though, the urge to just jab a fork into someone's eye. Or something equally violent.  On top of the rage there's been plenty of other thoughts going through my mind, none that I haven't had to deal with before. Just things that keep coming and coming and coming, I think at this point I don't ever expect them to go away. The other day I agreed with someone about something, but the more I think about it I'm not sure I should have passed any sort of judgment. Not when I'm just as bad.

I think maybe I'll play a game.

Funny the things that pop into your dreams when you're sick.  Though in this case it's more about the fact that people I haven't thought of in years made guest appearances in the most recent one.  I can't really say it was a bad dream or that it was entirely unwelcome, but I woke up thinking too hard.  I do find it a little discouraging that certain things seem to be so easy for my dream self.  I think if I could have held onto a little more aside from people's faces and the general premise of the dream, something would end up being a ton easier on me than it is at the moment.

It's so easy to be wonderfully eloquent when you don't have to worry about nerves or reactions or looking someone in the face.  I keep going over the things that should be said, everything that should be added all at once and trying to gauge responses.  I'm obsessing and overthinking, just like I usually do.  I don't think I would be having an issue if I could come up with the words, but there's a problem with everything that I manage to come up with.

They aren't my words.  I'll catch myself in the middle of a thought, realizing that it's borrowed from a song or some other source.  Not a surprise when I associate nearly everything with a song, but annoying none the less.  I'm beginning to think that going over things in my head isn't enough, I think I'm going to have to break out a piece of paper and start writing it out.

At least I'm feeling a little better today, that's something.  Perhaps there's hope for work tomorrow after all. +_+  I really would like to be able to do my job without having to strain myself just to talk.  Though I suppose if it comes down to it I could always request to stock or something...

Which reminds me that I still need to grab some boxes from work.  I'll be lucky if I remember that when I wake up tomorrow, though.

There are few things that I hate more than being sick.

What's worse than laying around and feeling miserable?  Laying around a feeling miserable because something hits you in a strange way.  I hate it even more when it happens with something that really seems like it shouldn't hit you on anything that resembles a deeper level.  Right now I'm going to leave it at that and blame the fact that I'm sick and ridiculously bored.

One could be remedied, I'm sure, but it's a matter of finding the motivation and whether I feel like sitting up or not. At the moment that bed is looking awfully comfortable again, so I think that's going to to win without much of a fight.

[EDIT]

I just went to the grocery store and bought food for a week, three large bottles of Sunny D and a six pack of bottled water.

All for under seven dollars.

Fuck yes.  That was the most AWESOME trip to the store ever!

And also the highlight of my day.

It's like my fucking horoscope is trying to TAUNT me.

I guess today is as good as any to start asking question and say all the things that I want.  Now it's just a matter of deciding who to start with and exactly what there is to be said...

So I was finally conned into watching my niece for a week and I already regret it.

I feel trapped having to stay up here, but I know better than to just leave her on her own to do as she pleases.  Maybe tomorrow we'll work something out, because it seems that it's fine as long as she's home before dark.  I just can't spend all of my time here like my sister wants me to.  The last time I was here I couldn't bring myself to stay here all night and I think I finally worked out why. It's not really that it's a creepy place or that I don't feel safe, it's more that it's huge and feels kind of lonely.  Perhaps if there was more than one or two people here it wouldn't seem so empty, but there's not really anything that can be done about it right now. 

I'm feeling a little shitty again, but that could just be me feeling uncomfortable about being here. I think I'll just chalk it up to that.  I think I'm getting a little too thoughtful and the fact that it took me nearly an hour to write this shows that I have zero focus, so maybe it's time to find something else to do.


[EDIT]

Funny how the most unlikely of movies ended up making me even MORE thinky and sending me back down into one of those moods.  I thought perhaps it was the house influencing the way that I felt, but maybe it's the way I feel that makes me think the place feels lonely.  I wandered around the thing from one end to the other, rifling through drawers and looking on shelves just trying to find something to amuse me or entertain me but I got nothing.  I guess it's just one of those hopeless nights, even though I really did my best to prevent it.  Can't be helped, can't be helped. Really there isn't much point to sitting here and going over all of it again, is there?

Fail, fail, fail.

BAH BAH BAH BAH! WAIT I'M NOT A SHEEEEEP. FFFFFFFF


I hate migraines and I hate some of my dreams even more.  Especially when they make me think too much, not that I haven't been doing that already but things like that just have a tendency to make it harder. Oh well, oh well~~~.

The end. Shut up.  Despite it all I'm in a pretty fantastic mood, at least in comparison to the last couple of weeks. We'll see how that holds out later on in the day~.


I'm going back to beeeeeeeeeed. +_+